


You're Safe, No One Will Find You, Your Fears Are Far Behind You

by destielsdessert



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Child Abuse, Childhood, Crying, Crying Castiel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Hugs, Human Castiel, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-04-28 14:06:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14450862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielsdessert/pseuds/destielsdessert
Summary: Dean feels his hands instinctively curl into fists at the thought of Cas's own uncle threatening him. That he'd exploited Cas's trust and faith in Dean and used it against him, because Dean knows that he's the only person that Cas would ever tell. It seems that Raphael knows that, too."Cas-""I'm sorry," Cas sobs, eyes squeezing shut and his hand moves to his mouth to muffle his crying. Dean swallows, stomach twisting. He hates seeing Cas like this, so broken. It rarely happens, Cas rarely lets himself appear so weak and it only ever happens in front of Dean. He hates showing vulnerability, and Dean knows it, but he still hates himself for never realising what's been happening to his best friend. Even if Cas has been doing everything he can to hide it, Dean still should have noticed.





	You're Safe, No One Will Find You, Your Fears Are Far Behind You

"Cas?" Dean calls out as he pushes the door to Cas's bedroom open. His eyes scan the room for his best friend, quickly catching sight of Cas huddled in the corner, knees pulled to his chest. His own heart is racing, trying to figure out what's going on. "What's wrong?" he asks, brows furrowed. "On the phone, you sounded-"

Dean is interrupted as the second Castiel notices Dean, he's up and rushing forward, and Dean barely has time to react before Castiel has buried himself as close to Dean as possible, arms wrapped around Dean's neck, nose nuzzled beneath Dean's jaw. Dean is frozen for a second, but quickly knocks himself out of his daze and snakes his arms around Cas's waist, holding him gently.

Cas is trembling, Dean notes, as if he's scared but also as if he's seconds away from bursting into tears, and Dean has no idea what's going on. "Cas," he breathes, with no idea where he's going with that. He wants to ask what's wrong but he knows Cas, and he knows that he'll need to calm Cas down before he'll talk. So he tightens his grip on Cas, an attempt to show that Dean's here and it's going to be okay, but the action has Cas yelping and ripping himself from Dean's hold as if in pain. Dean's immediate reaction is to grasp Cas's arm to steady him.

"What's wrong?" Dean repeats, narrowing his eyes as Castiel drops his gaze to the ground, avoiding eye contact. "You're hurt," he states, and Castiel is immediately shaking his head in denial.

"'M not," he whispers, but that was definitely a hurt sound, and Cas has his arms wrapped protectively around his own abdomen, so Dean  _knows_  he's hurt. And that sparks a million questions inside Dean because Cas was definitely  _not_  hurt when they left school just over an hour ago, which means something happened between then and now.

He wonders if this is why Cas called him, because he was scared and hurt and  _in pain_  and he needed Dean to help him. "Don't lie to me," Dean tells him, stomach churning as Cas flinches at the slightly angry tone in his voice. He's not angry at Cas, not at all, just at the fact that he won't talk to him, that he's lying to Dean as if Dean doesn't want to help him. Dean drops his hand from Cas's arm, sighing. "Take off your sweater."

Castiel's head flies up immediately, finally locking eyes with Dean. Sapphire eyes wide and desperate, Castiel shakes his head, stepping backwards and away from Dean. Dean is conscious of the fact that Cas has his sleeves pulled over his hands, a telltale sign that he's nervous, which strengthens Dean's belief that something's wrong. He knows Cas, they've been best friends for too long for Dean to not have noticed all of Cas's little quirks, and Cas is hiding something from him. He just doesn't know  _what_.

"Dean, I said-"

"I know what you said," Dean interrupts. Castiel swallows thickly, staring. "And I know that you're lying. Cas, you called me over here for a reason. Tell me what's going on."

Cas tilts his head, giving Dean this desperate, begging expression that almost makes Dean crumble. But he holds strong, has to, because this is his best friend and  _something's wrong_. "Take it off, Cas," Dean orders, "or I will."

Cas is completely frozen, and Dean knows he's trying to find a way out of this. "Dean,  _please_ -"

But Dean just sends him a forceful look, letting him know that this isn't up for discussion; Cas isn't going to be able to just weasel his way out of this. "I'm not going to ask again."

Cas looks panicked, but Dean is sure he's managed to corner him to a point that Cas can't find a way out. He doesn't like having to do this, having to  _force_  Cas to talk to him, but it's necessary right now. Cas needs to open up, needs to tell Dean what's happening and if this is what makes it happen, then Dean's okay with it. Kind of.

But then Cas's hands begin to move to the bottom of his sweater, slowly and hesitantly but at least they're moving. And his fingers grasp the hem, and he squeezes his eyes shut, breathing in shakily. Dean is silent, doesn't want to say anything now that Cas is beginning to let Dean in.

Dean's breath hitches as Cas lifts the sweater and he's met with an abdomen littered with bruises. Some are dark purple and blue and seem maybe a few weeks old, but some are clearly only a few days old, and Dean can tell that some are from today. Which means that someone hurt Cas within the hour that Dean wasn't with him, and Dean can feel his blood begin to boil.

"Who did this to you?" Dean doesn't know what he's more angry about: the fact that someone could do this to a person as pure and innocent as Cas, or the fact that Dean never noticed. Cas must be in so much pain all of the time, and Dean never noticed. His best friend has been hurting for who knows how long, and Dean has just been too blind to see it.

Castiel is visibly trembling now, letting go of the sweater so it falls messily around his waist. He steps backwards, apparently trying to shrink in on himself as he appears to be getting smaller. " _Cas_? Was it someone at school?" It's possible; Cas isn't exactly the most popular person there. Sure, he doesn't exactly have any enemies, but his awkwardness and general kindness make him easy prey for bullies. But Dean quickly shakes his head, ruling that out because he walked Cas home from school and he's sure Cas wasn't hurt then. "No, that doesn't work out. You've been here the past hour, right?" Dean doesn't need a nod as confirmation, he knows the answer already. But that just doesn't add up, because who would-

Dean freezes, blood turning to ice. His face pales, jaw clenching and hands balling into fists at his side. "Cas, don't- don't you  _dare_  tell me this was your uncle."

Cas flinches at the venom in Dean's voice, and then he's crying, pawing at his eyes and Dean _can't move_. There's... There's no way he can have been so oblivious, is there? That Raphael has been abusing Cas for however long and Dean just hasn't noticed. His throat is tight and he wants to be sick, head spinning and he  _can't believe it_.

Instinct fills him, and immediately Dean wants to hunt Raphael down. "I'm gonna fucking  _kill_  him!" he growls, and turning to leave but a hand on his upper arm stops him. He turns back harshly, anger still boiling inside of him, but it dissipates when he notices Castiel flinch away from Dean's fury.

" _Please_ ," Cas whispers, desperate, pleading. "I need you to stay."

Dean's stomach drops, guilt overwhelming him. He grabs Cas's hand and sits on the edge of Cas's bed, pulling Cas with him so he's stood between Dean's legs, both level. Dean wraps his arms around Cas to pull him close and into a gentle embrace, and immediately Cas is burying his nose into Dean's neck, trying to stifle his sobs. "I'm not going anywhere," Dean promises, though it does nothing to calm Cas down. Dean tilts his head to press a kiss to Cas's temple and lifts his hand to brush Cas's hair from his forehead. "Fuck, Cas, why didn't you tell me?"

Castiel whimpers, and Dean doesn't know if he's really expecting an answer, but Cas pulls away as if to respond. Dean wipes at Cas's tears with his thumb, feels Cas push back into the feeling like he's seeking comfort. "H-He said- He said he'd hu-hurt you if I t-told you," Cas whispers, and Dean feels his hands instinctively curl into fists at the thought of Cas's own uncle threatening him. That he'd exploited Cas's trust and faith in Dean and used it against him, because Dean knows that _he's_ the only person that Cas would ever tell. It seems that Raphael knows that, too.

"Cas-"

"I'm sorry," Cas sobs, eyes squeezing shut and his hand moves to his mouth to muffle his crying. Dean swallows, stomach twisting. He hates seeing Cas like this, so broken. It rarely happens, Cas rarely lets himself appear so weak and it only ever happens in front of Dean. He hates showing vulnerability, and Dean knows it, but he still hates himself for never realising what's been happening to his best friend. Even if Cas has been doing everything he can to hide it, Dean still should have noticed.

"It's okay," Dean assures, but he knows it won't make a difference. Cas has always been too hard on himself, and Dean knows that, no matter what he says right now, Cas is going to deem this is own fault. Dean's going to have to wait until later, once they've talked this all through, to really try to get through to him.

But he can't try that until he's dealt with all of this.

"Cas, I need you to listen to me, okay? Can you do that for me?" Castiel nods slowly, eyebrows furrowing. He wipes at his eyes with his sleeves before Dean reaches his hands up and takes Cas's hands in his, intertwining their fingers. "I can't let this keep happening, do you understand me? It's fucking disgusting, and I won't just stand by and let it continue. Do you understand what that means?"

Cas narrows his eyes, and it's clear the moment that realisation hits him because he staggers back, firmly shaking his head in panic. "Dean, _no_ -"

"I have to tell someone," Dean interrupts. He's keeping his voice calm, level, to try and keep Cas calm. Dean pulls Cas closer by his hands, despite Cas's attempt at resisting. "You understand it's wrong, don't you?"

Cas hesitates, which fills Dean with dread. "Bu-But he says it's my fault," Castiel whispers, and Dean is so close to flipping out that it actually hurts to hold back. "I make him angry-"

"No, you don't." Dean's tone is matter-of-fact, because Cas has to comprehend that _he's_ not the one in the wrong here, _he's_ not the one that anyone is going to blame. "This isn't your fault, Cas, and I need you to understand that."

"But-"

" _Stop_!" Dean yells, standing abruptly as he lets his anger overtake him for a second. Cas jumps backwards away from him at the anger, cowering slightly as Dean seems to be towering over him. Dean takes a deep breath, composing himself because getting angry in front of Cas won't help anything. "Stop blaming yourself. You're _fifteen_ , Cas. He's supposed to be looking after you, keeping you safe, not beating you until you're broken. You don't deserve this. You deserve happiness, safety, someone who loves you, someone who cares for you."

Cas whimpers, shaking as he cries. Dean pulls him close to his chest, Cas's arms wrapping around his waist, and nuzzles his nose into the ruffles of Cas's hair. He so desperately wants to just hold Cas forever, never let him go, but he has to deal with this, and he'd much rather do it sooner rather than later.

"Cas," he whispers, earning a small sniff in response. He furrows his eyebrows when he realises something. "Is he here right now?" Dean didn't pay attention to his surroundings at all when he arrived, was focused only on Cas and finding out why he'd called, so he has no idea if Raphael is in the house right now. The thought of even being in the same building as him makes Dean feel sick.

Castiel pulls away, reluctantly, and shakes his head slowly. "He left just before you arrived."

Dean breathes slowly. It's taking everything in him to remain calm and not hunt that asshole down, rip him limb from limb. He's trying so hard to focus on _Cas_ right now, but he can't deny that it's hard. "So are you okay with telling Bobby and Jody? We won't stay here, Cas, he won't be able to get to you." Cas's eyes slip shut and Dean knows he's terrified, but if they tell them then Cas can be safe. Raphael won't get anywhere near Cas ever again. "You trust me, don't you?"

Cas nods immediately, no hesitation.

"Then trust me on this," he requests. "You can report him, Cas, and he won't ever be able to hurt you again. _Please_."

Cas bites his bottom lip but, after a few seconds, he nods slowly. "Okay," he finally agrees.

"Okay?" Dean asks for reassurance. He wants to make sure Cas is okay with this and that he's not just saying that to make Dean happy. Castiel nods again, and he's clearly hesitant but Dean expects that. He doesn't understand what Cas has gone through, or for how long he's been going through it, but he _wants_ to. Most importantly, though, is getting Cas away from Raphael and making Raphael pay.

But he thinks they've done enough talking, for now, considering how much Cas is going to have to talk when they tell Jody. Dean stands and holds his hand out for Cas to take. It takes a few seconds, but Cas manages to brace himself and he links their hands together, intertwining their fingers.

Dean tries not to let his eyes wander while they make their way out of the house, but he can't help it. He keeps trying to figure out where Cas could have been hurt, where Raphael did this to him, and his throat burns at the thought that he might be standing somewhere that Cas has been beaten by his own uncle. His grip on Cas's hand tightens at the thought.

"Dean," Cas says just before they make it out of the front door, and he tugs on Dean's hand to stop him. Dean turns to face him, eyebrows furrowed. "What if it doesn't work?"

Dean can hear the anxiety in Cas's voice, and he frowns. "It will," he promises, and he doesn't doubt it.

"But what if it doesn't?"

Cas seems desperate for reassurance, and Dean knows that he's probably terrified of any possible thing going wrong, of any chance that he'll have to go back to Raphael and deal with the consequences of what he's about to do. "Then we'll figure it out. I'll deal with it, Cas, I promise. I'll make sure you never have to see him again. _Trust me_."

Cas inhales shakily, swallowing thickly. "I trust you," he whispers, but it's more like he's trying to assure himself that Dean will make sure it all goes okay.

Dean gives him a second before he gently pulls on Cas's hand to lead him out of the house. Cas follows, freezing outside momentarily to stare at the building as if he's trying to figure out if he's sad or happy to be leaving, and then turns to follow Dean again.

Dean only lives a few streets away, but the slow walk they take means it takes them over half an hour to make it to his street. Dean can practically feel the anxiety radiating from Cas, getting stronger the closer they get. And Cas's hand seems to involuntarily tighten its grip on Dean's as they near in on Dean's house, too. He squeezes Cas's hand reassuringly, but Cas's eyes seem almost glazed over.

They turn into Dean's driveway, and that brings Cas back to the present, face paling immediately. "It's okay," Dean whispers, but even he's beginning to doubt it. Not that he doesn't have faith in Jody as a sheriff, or that he doesn't think that Raphael is going to go down. It's _Cas_ he's worried about. If Dean didn't notice this, _any_ of this, that Cas has been beaten and bruised for so long that he doesn't have any excuse for not realising, then what else hasn't he noticed? What else has he missed that Cas is going through?

They push through the front door, and Dean's stomach twists, throat dry. His eyes search for Jody, but all he can think about is Cas and everything he's going to have to talk about. He hears Jody in the living room and tugs Cas with him as he heads towards her.

She's searching for something in a cabinet, he thinks, and now he's the one that's shaking, finding it hard to talk. "Jody," he whispers, voice breaking.

She turns immediately, standing when she sees them and smiles. "Hi, Cas," she greets when she notices Castiel is there, too. He smiles falls, though, when she notices the distraught look on Dean's face and the tears in Cas's eyes. "Is everything okay?"

Dean wipes a hand over his face, taking a deep breath. This is harder than he expected it to be, and it's not even him that's going through this. It's just the thought of everyone finding out what Cas went through and the fact that Dean didn't protect him and he's finding it hard to process. He glances at Cas, forcing a reassuring smile. "Show her."

Castiel drops Dean's hand, his own hands hovering over the hem of his sweater. A small, encouraging nod from Dean convinces him to lift it, but he can't help but turn his head away from both Jody and Dean, squeezing his eyes shut to stop the tears.

He hears a sharp intake of breath belonging to Jody, and can practically feel the anger emanating from Dean. "Who did this to you?" Jody asks, but Cas's throat is tight and he can't find the words to explain.

"His uncle, Raphael," Dean says for him, realising that Cas can't. Cas drops his sweater again, pulling his sleeves over his hands.

"Bobby?" Jody calls, and her voice isn't exactly loud but Cas jumps anyways, trembling. He still doesn't know how this is going to turn out, but he trusts Dean, trusts him to make everything okay. Then Bobby appears in the doorway, eyebrows raised. "Where's Sam?"

"At Gabriel's."

Jody nods slowly. "Could you call him, ask him if he can stay there tonight?" Bobby looks confused, but he does as he's told and disappears again. Jody turns her attention back to the two boys who seem to have gravitated closer together. "Cas, I'm gonna call this in, okay? We're going to report this."

Even though Cas nods in agreement, Dean can still sense his hesitance, so when Jody disappears to make her own call, he pulls Cas down onto one of the sofas next to him. He's unsure about hugging Cas, doesn't really know his boundaries right now in terms of pain and sudden movement, but he sits as close to him as he can. Cas leans forward with his elbows on his knees, trying to remember to breathe, and Dean intertwines their fingers. He doesn't say anything, figures Cas could do with the quiet for now.

"Dean, I don't think I can do this," Cas whispers.

Dean rests his forehead on the side of Cas's head, other hand clasping around the one he's already holding. "You can. I know you can," he promises. "I know you're scared, but you don't have to be anymore. You're safe, and once you do this, you're free from him. He won't have this hold on you anymore."

"He'll always have this hold on me," Cas argues, pulling away from Dean slightly.

Dean's about to ask what he means by that but then both Jody and Bobby are returning and it seems that Bobby's been filled in, if the sympathetic look on his face is anything to go by. "Bloody hell, Cas," he mumbles, but that's all he says.

Jody takes a step towards the two of them, smiling sadly. "My friend, Donna, is on her way. She's a deputy, and she's going to conduct the interview because I can't, but I'm going to sit in. Bobby is going to act as your appropriate adult, considering you're under the age of eighteen." Cas nods, Dean just listens. He's going to keep out of this, he decides, just observe because he wants to be a crutch for Cas, but he wants Cas to do this because _he_ wants to do this, not because Dean wants him to. Cas has to want to be saved.

It's a bit of a blur, then. Mostly it's silent. Bobby makes them all coffee, and the two adults sit on the sofa across from the two boys. Then there's a knock on the door and Cas jumps so high he almost spills his coffee. Dean takes both of their coffees and puts them on the coffee table while Jody answers the door and lets Donna in. She seems friendly, Dean decides, though he doesn't know where he's getting that from. Besides, he never realised who Raphael truly is, so his judgement probably isn't very reliable.

Donna sits between Jody and Bobby, across from Dean and Cas. "Hello, Castiel," she says with a small smile. Cas tenses slightly. "I'm Donna. Is it okay to interview you now?"

"Yes," Cas tells her, nodding.

She glances between Cas and Dean a couple of times and pulls out a notebook. "Can I take notes?" Cas nods again. "What about Dean? I'm going to be asking some really personal questions, Castiel, and we might end up talking about things you may want to keep private. Do you want him to stay?"

Cas's hand immediately reaches for Dean's, a silent request for him not to go anywhere, and that seems to be enough for Donna. "Okay. Now, Jody tells me you've got some injuries; would you like to show them to me?" Cas's other arm curls around his waist protectively. He's already shown Dean and Jody, and that's only because he trusts them. It's not exactly something he likes doing. Those injuries tell others everything he's gone through, everything his uncle has done to him and he doesn't want just any random person seeing them. Donna seems to understand, though. "That's okay, you don't have to show me. But you'll likely need to make an injury report when we go down to the station, so that we can use the injuries as evidence." Cas just stares, because it's not as if he has a choice, is it? "I understand that your uncle has been abusing you. Do you have any idea where he is now?"

Cas shakes his head. He never dares to ask him questions, never wants to risk making him angrier. He's much happier alone because that's when he can find Dean and spend time with him, and Dean is none the wiser. Well, Dean's not none the wiser anymore.

"So he's been physically abusing you? When did that start?"

"I was twelve. It wasn't long after my birthday." Dean tenses; he and Cas had been friends for a few weeks by that point. This has been happening their entire friendship and he's been too blind to see it. He doesn't think he's ever hated himself more. Cas is his best friend, and it's supposed to be his job to protect him but he failed.

Donna takes notes as Cas talks. She keeps asking questions, like how often it happens, if he's ever drunk, things like that. Everything Cas says just spins around Dean's head, tormenting him, reminding him of what a failure of a friend he is. And it's going okay. Or, at least, as okay as it can be going.

But then she asks, "Has he ever sexually assaulted you?"

And when Cas freezes, Dean already knows the answer, and his stomach churns, he's so close to throwing up. He doesn't understand how someone could do this to Cas, of all people, how someone could do this to _anyone_. How did he miss the signs? He knows they were there, can picture every single time Cas would flinch away from him, duck out of a hug because of what Dean assumes must have been his bruises. Or how Cas would phone him late at night and ask if he could come over, and Dean had just put it down to a little anxiety because Cas has always been overly nervous about things.

"Yes," Cas whispers, shoulders tightening. Dean squeezes his hand and Cas immediately relaxes, if only slightly.

"When did that start?"

Cas drops his head. "About a month before I turned thirteen."

Dean lifts his hand that isn't holding Cas's to his mouth, trying to stay calm. He's desperate to leave and actually _kill_ Raphael, but he can't leave Cas. Cas _needs_ him.

"And when was the last time he did either of those?"

Cas swallows, clearing his throat. "Physically, a couple of hours ago. Sexually... last night."

Dean lets out a choked sound, despite his attempts at keeping it in. He needs to remain strong for Cas but, god, he doesn't know if he can. He's not sure he can sit here and listen to everything that Raphael has done to Cas and _not_ flip out.

Donna hesitates before continuing, which just fills Dean with even more anxiety. "Castiel, because of how recently he sexually assaulted you, it's possible to get a rape kit done when you go to the hospital to get your injuries checked out. It's completely up to you, nobody's going to force you to do anything you don't want to. But I'd recommend you consider it, at least, because it will help your case against him."

"Okay," Cas mumbles, but Dean can sense that his resolve is breaking. This is all becoming too much for him, and Dean wants to intercept, but this isn't his place. If Cas doesn't invite him in, he's just going to hang back.

Donna nods, closing her notebook. "That's all the questions I have, for now, Castiel. You still need to make a formal statement at the station, and you'll need to go to the hospital to get checked. Which would you rather do first?"

"Formal statement," Cas decides.

"And would you like to come with me, or would you prefer Jody and Bobby take you?"

"Jody and Bobby."

Donna nods again, and turns to Jody. "I'll meet you down there, okay?" Jody whispers something to her that Dean doesn't quite catch and then Donna is turning back to Cas. "You did amazing, Castiel. Not many people are strong enough to do what you just did. I promise you, we'll do everything we can to make sure you don't ever have to see him again."

And then she's gone and Cas is pulling his knees to his chest, trying to remember how to breathe because his chest is tight and burning but this isn't over yet and he needs to calm down. Dean moves closer to him, wanting to comfort him but he still doesn't know boundaries, especially not now that he knows what he knows.

He reaches a hand to Cas's side but Cas flinches away which, in turn, makes Dean flinch and his heart actually hurts. "Cas," he starts but Cas shakes his head.

"Don't," Cas whimpers. " _Please_."

Dean pulls away, heart heavy, and then Jody is calling him away, into the kitchen. He's reluctant to leave, but he knows - _thinks_ \- that Cas needs to be alone for a couple of minutes, so he follows her to the kitchen. "What's going to happen to him?" Dean asks immediately. It's no secret to him that Raphael is the only family that Cas has, and Cas can't exactly stay with him anymore. "Where's he going to go?"

"Nowhere," Jody instantly replies, smiling reassuringly. "Dean, even though we've adopted you and Sam, Bobby and I still have our fostering license. I'm going to make sure Cas isn't going anywhere."

Dean takes a deep breath, expecting to feel at least a little more relaxed but anxiety is still bubbling in his chest.

"Dean," Jody says, her voice suddenly more serious. "You need to be careful around Cas."

Dean narrows his eyes. "What do you mean? Of course-"

" _Dean_ ," she interrupts and Dean freezes. "I know you like him. Romantically. And if anything ever happens between the two of you-"

"If you mean be careful around him sexually, then you don't need to tell me that." Dean's not offended necessarily because he understands. And, sure, he does like Cas - actually, he thinks he loves him - but he would _never_ force Cas to do anything that he doesn't want to, or that he's not comfortable with. He's not a dick.

"I know," Jody says. "You're an amazing person, Dean, and you're exactly what Cas needs right now. Bobby and I will go and wait in the car, so you two make your way out, too, okay?"

Then she disappears, too, and Dean is left to make his way back to Castiel. He kneels down in front of Cas, but doesn't touch him. He'll let Cas initiate any physical contact. "Cas," Dean whispers. He can see that Cas's chest is heaving and he's worried Cas is going to end up hurting himself. "Cas, you're okay."

Castiel chokes out a sob, shaking his head, but he's leaning forward, arms wrapping around Dean's neck to cry into Dean's shoulder. It's as much of an invitation as Dean needs to pull Cas close, remembering to be gentle, and he just holds him, hands stroking up and down Cas's back to try to calm him.

It takes a few minutes, but Cas does stop crying, though his grip on Dean never loosens and Dean makes no move to let him go. He says, "I think we should go," though, and hears Cas sniffle. And then they're in the car, driving to the station.

Dean does everything he can to stay with Cas the entire evening, but they're still separated twice. The first time is when Cas goes in to make his statement. Despite his attempts, Dean's told he isn't allowed to be there when Cas checks the statement over, but it's a little better because at least Bobby can go in with him.

The second time is at the hospital, and it's when Cas has to go away to have his rape kit done. Dean excuses himself to the bathroom and spends ten minutes throwing up and trying to breathe because he's crying too much. But he only gives himself ten minutes, and then he's forcing himself to stop heaving and he washes his face with water then returns to Cas's room to wait. Jody and Bobby give him worried looks but he avoids eye contact and huddles himself onto his chair.

Cas is silent on the car ride home, and that's normal but Dean can sense an extra bout of uneasiness. It's not as if he's expecting Cas to be okay, but he's not sure Cas is going to talk to him when they're alone and he still doesn't know what to do. Then they're in the house and Cas mumbles something about needing to sleep and he disappears upstairs. Dean knows something is seriously wrong then because, normally, Cas would ask (even though he doesn't need to).

Jody gives Dean a gentle look and squeezes his shoulder and then Dean follows Cas upstairs. He pushes the door to his room open and finds Cas sat on the end of his bed, staring off into space. Dean doesn't say anything, just makes his way over to Cas and sits next to him, waiting for Cas to make the first move.

It doesn't take long. "Why aren't you angry at me?"

Cas isn't looking at Dean, but Dean still frowns, narrowing his eyes. "Why should I be? You've done nothing wrong."

Cas shrugs half-heartedly, gulping. "I've been lying to you our entire friendship. We're supposed to trust each other, haven't I betrayed you?"

Dean angles his body towards Cas. He doesn't force Cas to look at him, but does take a hold of both of Cas's hands, squeezing gently. "There's nothing you've done that I could be angry at you for. I know you didn't have a choice, Cas, it's okay."

"Aren't you disgusted, though?" Cas whispers, voice breaking. He glances up at Dean, tears brimming his eyes. "Now that you know what he did to me. I thought you'd hate me, that you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. I thought I'd lose you."

Dean takes a shuddering breath, but his heart is breaking. Cas has been so scared of losing Dean because of things that weren't his fault, all because Dean has done nothing to assure him otherwise. "You're never going to lose me," he promises, and Cas's eyes fill with something that Dean can only identify as hope. "I _love_ you, Cas, I'm not going anywhere."

Cas's eyes widen, but Dean doesn't even care that he said that. Cas can take it however he wants to, platonically or romantically, because Dean means it both ways. "Do you really mean that?"

"Cas, of course I-"

Dean's cut off by Cas's lips pressing against his, Cas's hands gripping his shirt. He's frozen for a second but he quickly gets his bearings and he's pulling away, eyes wide. Cas jumps back, face paling when he sees the look on Dean's face.

"Why did you do that?" Dean questions because, of all things, he did not expect Cas to _kiss_ him.

Cas's eyes fill with hurt and he frowns, shuffling back slightly. "I thought that was what you wanted," he whispers and he sounds so nervous.

"It _was_ what I wanted," Dean tells him. Cas narrows his eyes, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "But I don't want you to do that because you think it's what _I_ want. I want you to kiss me because _you_ want to."

Cas moves closer again, seeming a little less nervous this time. Dean holds his breath in anticipation. He's scared that, maybe, this isn't what Cas really wants, and he's just grateful that he's free from his uncle, or it's just a reaction to everything that's happened today and he's just trying to make Dean happy. "I want this," Castiel promises, voice a small whisper. Dean stays silent, waiting to see if Cas will continue. "I want _you_ , Dean."

"I don't want to hurt you," Dean admits, dropping his gaze momentarily.

"You won't," Cas tells him and, for the first time today, he actually sounds sure. Cas pulls his legs up onto the bed and crosses them, turning completely to face Dean. "Dean, I can't promise if or when I'll ever be up for anything more than kissing." He takes Dean's hands in his, tracing patterns on Dean's palms. "But I trust you. I will never associate you with anything he did to me, because I know you'd never force me into anything. And if I'm ever going to be ready with anyone, it's going to be with you."

A tear slips down Dean's cheek. He wipes it away quickly, sniffling but he has to stop crying because Dean _does not cry_. He smiles instead, squeezes Cas's hands. "Let's sleep for now, yeah?"

Castiel nods immediately, seems a bit relieved that Dean doesn't continue that conversation. Dean wants to talk, but not now. He knows Cas is exhausted and, honestly, he's exhausted, too. So he heads for his drawers and pulls out two sets of sweatpants and t-shirts, then hands a pair to Cas. They both change, and then Cas is climbing into one side of the bed and Dean into the other.

They both lie down, a small distance between them because Dean's too scared to touch Cas, to cuddle with him. It's silent for a minute, but, as Cas feels the darkness beginning to creep in, he also feels himself becoming overwhelmed by all of these different emotions all at once. He curls up as much as he can but it doesn't work, just causes pain and a bout of unwanted thoughts.

" _Dean_ ," he whimpers, hands clenching into fists. Dean's right next to him in a second.

"What's wrong?" Dean asks him immediately.

Cas shakes his head, a silent attempt to tell Dean not to worry. "Nothing, just... Can you hold me? Please?"

Dean doesn't take much convincing before he's lying right behind Cas. His movements are hesitant as he wraps his arm around Cas's waist but Cas is burrowing himself closer to Dean straight away. It's enough to make Dean realise that this is okay, and he reaches for Cas's hand, intertwining their fingers.

The bad thoughts aren't gone, but Castiel can focus on Dean now, the feeling of Dean's arm around him and the reminder that Dean loves him, won't leave him.

"I love you," he whispers suddenly, vocie full of adoration and he can practically hear Dean smile.

Dean nuzzles his nose into the back of Cas's neck, squeezing his hand. "I love you, too."

And that's enough to make Cas okay, for now.


End file.
